


a little fall of rain

by takunism (weareinnoir)



Category: JO1 (Japan Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Recovery, Requited Love, Unrequited Love, they're on a dance team. also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:07:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29863392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weareinnoir/pseuds/takunism
Summary: It's been two months since Ren got the surgery, and he still doesn't remember Takumi's name.
Relationships: Kawanishi Takumi/Kawashiri Ren, Kawanishi Takumi/Sato Keigo, theres yonaruki if you squint for it is me writing this
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	a little fall of rain

It's been two months since Ren got the surgery, and he still doesn't remember Takumi's name. 

Takumi... isn't used to it. Not quite. He's grown so accustomed to that soft, kind voice saying _Takkun_ that its absence is even louder than its presence ever was. He's read up on hanahaki disease plenty, in these two months, and the timeline of Ren's recovery is about right; it'll take a year, apparently, for his memories (the ones with Takumi in them, anyway) to return fully. The name comes first, but it's still a month away, and reminding Ren of who he is on his own could cause problems in his recovery.

There's another part of the website, one that Takumi makes sure to check when nobody's looking, about the possibility of feelings returning, once the memories do, too.

It's possible. Rare, yes; dangerous, even, if the flora develop again, though modern hanahaki surgeries usually come with a set of prescriptions to prevent this. There's a strict timeline they come with so that the memories don't overload and come back too fast; that's where the problem, _the post-floral overload syndrome_ , lies, if they do. But the myth — the _if you get the surgery, your ability to love that person disappears_ that Takumi's heard a million times — is, in fact, just a myth. 

As to _why_ he's looking that up —

He blinks once, twice, and puts his phone down.

He's grateful that Ren's alive. That's all he has the right to feel, so it's all he lets himself feel, simple as that. He's sure the guilt of _god, I didn't notice in time that Ren was coughing up pink flower petals, let alone that those petals were for me_ would crush him, irrevocably, if he let it, so he doesn't think about it. _I want my friend to be alive. I want him to be alive_ is what he repeats, especially on May nights like these, when the rain doesn't stop and he feels so, so alone.

_I want my friend to be alive._

(It's almost honest. Takumi's never liked lying, though; at the third and fourth words in that sentence, something heavy and uncomfortable settles in his stomach, every time.)

* * *

"You're going to have to start to showing up again soon."

Takumi knows there's a truth to it; he can't avoid dance practice, or Ren, forever. Keigo, lately, has been nice enough to record the choreography, so that Takumi can practice on his own, but it's obviously getting difficult. Still, Takumi knows where his own priorities lie — "Does Ren remember me yet?"

Keigo pauses. "Well, there's times when... he'll turn around to readjust you, but you're not there," he explains, after a second. "I think he remembers _someone_ , even if it's not specifically you."

"Oh." Takumi isn't sure if he's happy to hear that or not; it's selfish, the way his first thought isn't _at least that's progress_ , but _oh, so he doesn't know me yet_. "I... I mean, can I keep staying at home for a little bit? For Ren's sake." 

"I mean, is it really?"

Takumi frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Are you sure you're not just afraid of confronting him?" Keigo says, that signature bluntness of his cutting through Takumi like glass. "I get that it's rough, what happened between you two, but you're going to have to rip off the bandaid eventually."

"I know." Takumi's gaze flits down. "I just... want to keep him safe."

Keigo bites his lip — he's clearly holding back from saying something. "Are you still going to go to Mame's birthday party, then?" he asks. His voice is casual, but pointed at the same time — there's an implicit _you don't want to disappoint the freshie, do you?_ that almost makes Takumi shiver. 

"...Fuck, that's soon," Takumi says, barely resisting the urge to bury his face in his hands. "Next Saturday? Right?"

Keigo nods. "Karaoke. We're probably sneaking drinks, too. And it's the dance team, plus Junki, Sukai, and Ruki's boyfriend. We miss you, you know."

Takumi swallows and sighs. "I... I might pop in. I just don't know if I have it in me to stay."

Keigo's jaw tenses, but he nods. "Everyone's going to be happy to see you," he says, a terse undertone in his voice that isn't hid by the way he smiles. He quickly changes the subject; Takumi's grateful for it, though the speed at which it comes makes him wonder if it's for Keigo's sake, too. 

* * *

Saturday comes before Takumi can stop it; he didn't, _doesn't_ , want to stay, but Kono Junki has other plans. The soccer player is already tipsy — god, everyone is, their youngest included, Takumi sure isn't friends with a lot of strong drinkers — and pulling Takumi to sit down before he knows it. 

He isn't one for parties, usually, anyway, but this really does feel like something is pressing against his lungs; as his friends talk and Keigo busts out a rendition of _Are You Gonna Be My Girl_ that sounds awesome, frankly, all he wants to do is escape. 

What's worse is that he can't help but focus on — on —

Well, Ren looks great, anyways; the dark circles under his eyes are gone, and he's gone back to snacking on chocolates and candies like he used to. Takumi thinks about those last weeks, before things had gotten so bad that Ren had to get the surgery, and shudders; he'd looked so _frail_ , so unlike his usual self, that it's a relief to see him back to his old self. Takumi averts his eyes, quickly, before Ren notices him staring. _I shouldn't even be here,_ he thinks. Everyone's so focused on other things that he might be able to sneak out... probably. 

It's a chilly night; the rainstorm has just stopped, and the world smells like petrichor. Takumi's taxi won't get here for another 15 minutes; he leans against the wall of the building and closes his eyes, resisting the urge to pull the strings of his hoodie and hide his face. 

"You're... him, right?"

Takumi's eyes snap open; it's his voice. Ren's voice. "What are you...?" he asks, turning to face the older of the two, brows furrowing. 

"I saw you leaving. And I kind of figured that you're the... the person who I'm forgetting." Ren shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks on his heels. "It's Sho, Ruki, Junki, Keigo, Syoya, Shosei, Sukai, Shion, Issei... and this big blank space whenever I look at you. Like something's missing, but I don't remember what."

That stings. Takumi chuckles bitterly. "That means the surgery was successful," he says, trying to sound genuinely happy about it. 

"I guess. I mean, I'm happy I'm still alive," Ren says. _But_. 

"Me too. Hey, listen, my cab is about to get here —"

"Can we have an actual conversation about this?" Ren asks — pleads, really, in a way that makes Takumi's heart clench. "Not now, obviously, I gotta get back in there, but... sometime soon?"

What Takumi wants to say — the word that dances on his tongue — is a firm, strong _no_. It's for Ren's sake, he always says — he's said it a hundred times — but this time, this reaction, what he feels in his gut, is pure, ice-cold fear. "I... don't want to mess up your recovery," Takumi manages, after a moment. "The timeline —"

"Is different for every patient, technically, but — but I get it." Ren nods. "Sorry. I just wanted to..."

Whatever he wanted dies in the air. "Don't worry about it. Get home safe," Ren says, with a tiny nod. He turns around and goes back into the building. 

Takumi checks his phone. He doesn't have time to think of how he feels; his cab will be here in just a second. He swipes away a text from Keigo, not in the mood to talk to anyone anymore. 

* * *

_It's just dance practice._

_Ren takes the lead, like he always does, taking the nine-person crew through the choreography of a Seventeen song. He's working hard — he always is, and that's one of the things Takumi admires about him; he wants to catch up, even though Ren's level is so high that it'll take an amateur like him a long, long while to catch up._

_But he seems... off. Different. Today. He's sweating more, panting like he's run a few marathons; Syoya's the first to speak up about it, even if Takumi's the first one to notice. "You good, man? You look tired."_

_Ren nods. His voice is... rough, in a way that makes Takumi shiver, when he responds. "I think I just ate something," he manages._

_"What, arsenic? Cyanide?" Keigo jokes. The room titters awkwardly. "Seriously, you can rest if you want to. It's late anyway —"_

_"I'm fine," Ren insists, shooting Keigo a rather scary look. "Let's go from Joshua's part —"_

_It happens so quickly that Takumi would've missed it if he'd blinked; Ren's talking, arguing with Keigo (in the lighthearted way they've done a thousand times), and the next moment, he's coughing. It's a thick, wet cough, one that makes everyone else take a step back, but Takumi's frozen._

_The smell of flowers, and of blood, fills the room. As soon as he figures out what's happening, Ruki's yelling for someone to call an ambulance, but Takumi can't move. He's stuck._

And as the scene shifts — from memory to something in his imagination, Ren, alone, in a hospital room, chasing something he knows but doesn't have anymore — Takumi wakes up to the sound of rain, pounding at his rooftop. 

The alarm clock on his desk blares a bright red 3:27 AM. He'd collapsed into bed as soon as he'd gotten home from Issei's party... three hours ago; there's no way he's going to be able to get back to sleep now. 

He checks his phone — he'd better respond to Keigo, finally; that might be what he needs to get his mind off of Ren. _u good? not like you to do the irish goodbye_ is typed in their LINE window, with a few worried emojis and a selfie captioned _we miss u!!!! :(_

Takumi types back a _sorry_ and an _i just had to get out of there_ before flopping on to his bed. He buries his face into his pillow and groans, frustrated at the prospect of another sleepless night. 

* * *

"Aren't you happy?"

"What?"

"That he talked to you." There's a soft frown on Keigo's face. "He approaches you, he talks to you. What's the problem?"

"Doing that before he remembers my name might mess up his recovery," Takumi explains, flopping back down on Keigo's couch. "There's a timeline —"

"You've said."

"I just don't want him to get sick again. That's all." Takumi closes his eyes.

"Here." Keigo takes out his phone and begins rapidly typing. "I'll ask Ren to meet you at a place — that way you don't have to feel like you're fucking things up with him. You can blame me if it goes terribly." 

"Keigo, you don't have to —"

"I know I don't," Keigo interrupts. "And I'm not going to pretend like I want to. But someone needs to, proverbially, lock you two in a room together and get you two conversing."

"If you don't want to," Takumi asks, "then why are you even...?"

"Just thank me, don't question me," Keigo replies. "The cafe on 3rd street that Ruki's boyfriend works at, next Saturday at 3. Ostensibly, it's for catching up on dance practice. You're welcome."

There's something in Keigo's tone that makes Takumi pause, but he nods. 

"And anyways, you didn't answer." Keigo sends the message, puts his phone down, and looks at Takumi directly. "Are you happy about it?"

That's so like Keigo — he _pushes_ , and Takumi's grateful for it, sometimes. This time, though, Takumi just feels uncomfortable. "I'm not sure," he replies. "I feel like I'd just end up saying _but_ regardless of how I felt."

"Then maybe you should think this through a little bit more," Keigo says. "I mean, it's your life, but if he's causing you this much stress, is he really worth waiting for?"

Takumi, uselessly, opens his mouth and closes it. "I..."

"Just think about it. I'm gonna go order the food," he says, getting up off of the couch and leaving Takumi alone with his thoughts. 

* * *

It's a familiar cafe. Maybe that's what makes it so hard, as Takumi waits. He's been here countless times, he nearly has memorized the way the sunlight drifts in through the light grey clouds and in through the windows; there are so many memories here, memories with Ren, him and his incessant sweet tooth. 

Ren isn't usually late. (Wasn't, anyway. Maybe that side of him was something lost with his memories of Takumi.) Takumi drums his fingers against the table and resists, with some effort, the urge to check his phone. The shop's door bell rings twice before Ren walks in. He walks up to the table that Takumi's sitting at, but he doesn't sit down. 

Takumi nods. "Ren."

"...Hey," Ren replies. His voice is short and tense. 

_He still doesn't remember,_ Takumi thinks. "Should we... um, order?" Takumi asks, gesturing at the menu board.

"...Uh, yeah," Ren replies, after a moment. His eyes are... distant; worry blooms in Takumi's chest for a moment, but it dissipates when Ren manages a smile. "Shall we?"

Ren orders a hot chocolate with enough toppings to add another 300 yen to the price; it's so _like him_ that Takumi smiles, just a little. It's still the Ren he knows, he reminds himself. Takumi orders the house blend earl grey that he already knows he likes; the two of them get their drinks and sit down. 

"...You're looking well," Takumi says, finally, after a full two minutes of awkward silence.

Ren smiles. (Takumi feels his cheeks get pink.) "I'm feeling a lot better, too," he confirms. "It's really nice being able to eat again."

"You weren't eating before?" Takumi asks, concern flooding his voice. 

Ren shakes his head, after taking a sip of his hot chocolate. "Couldn't keep anything down, what with the... flora."

"Oh." It... makes sense, if solely from a biological perspective; Takumi remembers reading from the website that the petals start from your stomach, before moving upwards to your esophagus and eventually into your throat. (It's when they start blooming in your lungs that you're well and truly fucked; Takumi tenses, hating himself just a little for letting Ren get that far.) "You're breathing easier too, then?"

"Yeah. I've missed it," Ren confirms, with a laugh that makes something in Takumi flutter. 

"And the rest of your recovery is... on track."

Ren nods. "As on track as it can be."

Takumi's face crumples; Ren notices this before he can stop it, and pauses to explain. "I guess there are just... things they don't tell you," Ren decides. "It's not that there are gaps in my memory, but there are... places someone — you — should be. And if you love someone enough that you get sick over it, there's a lot left over, even when it's gone."

"Left over?"

Ren nods. "I mean, it's not like I forget being sick," he explains. "That's still there. The way the petals _tasted_ is still there. And there's..."

Ren trails off. "Other stuff. That's all."

"I'm... sorry, I guess," Takumi says, quietly, after a moment. 

Ren takes a sip of his hot chocolate before he responds. "That you didn't find out in time? Or that you couldn't love me back?"

"...I wouldn't say couldn't." Takumi looks down into his tea, stirring it so that his hands have something to do that's not picking at the skin around his nails. He hates the way his voice sounds — too tinny, flimsy, to be sure of anything. 

"I would," Ren says. "Otherwise, well, we wouldn't be in this situation, right?"

"I just wish that you'd..." _Told me sooner. Soon enough for me to do something._ "Or that I'd just, y'know." _Noticed that you were hurting as much as you were before it was too late to do anything about it._

"You shouldn't beat yourself up about it."

"But shouldn't I? If I'd noticed sooner, I would've... _you_ would..."

 _You'd remember me, and things would be different,_ Takumi doesn't say. "You wouldn't have had to get the surgery if I'd noticed sooner. I let things go too far. That's what I'm apologizing for."

The look that Ren gives him is... intense; it's far closer to the way he looks when he's dancing, serious and determined, than it is to the way that he's used to being looked at with. It's almost how he looks when he's coaching dance, but there's something different — not negative, just harsher — around the edges. But it softens in an instant. "You shouldn't beat yourself up about it," he repeats. "Besides, nobody said I can't make new memories while my old ones come back, right? I'll be remembering you in no time, with those new ones there too."

It's... comforting, and uncomfortable all at once, but Takumi manages a nod. He also changes the subject as soon as he can find words — "S-so, dance practice, yeah?" — for fear of making things even worse. He's happy, yes, definitely — he gets to talking with Ren and it feels so _natural_ , like it did before — but still like there's a hole being punched in his stomach. 

* * *

He ends up on Keigo's couch after the next dance practice, a week later; Ren, Shosei, and Ruki asked Takumi if he'd wanted to go get barbecue, but he'd declined. (Out of fear. He can say it to himself, even if he can't say it out loud. What that fear _is_ , exactly — whose worry it was born from — is something Takumi isn't as sure of.) Keigo had offered, immediately after, to take Takumi to his place, for snacks and maybe some video games.

It only takes the conversation turning to Ren for things to go wrong. 

It's Keigo who brings him up, actually, in the midst of a game of Snipperclips. "So things went badly with Ren?"

Takumi shakes his head. "Not badly," he answers. "I don't think I was... ready for it, though."

"Are you mad at me for setting it up?"

"No, of course not. Just..." Takumi puts his controller down and leans back on Keigo's absurdly comfy couch. "I guess I need time."

"Like, how much?"

"...What do you mean?"

Keigo puts his controller down and looks right at Takumi — there's something in his eyes that's intense, something that Takumi _prays_ he's reading wrong. "I guess I just want to know when you're going to get around to giving up on him."

"Giving up on...?" Takumi asks. 

Somewhere out the window, thunder cracks. It's a loud enough noise that Takumi jumps in surprise. "I mean giving up on Ren," Keigo continues, as the sound of the storm starts picking up.

"I'm... he's my friend, and he was almost deathly ill because of me," Takumi says, frowning. "Like, his recovery?"

"I mean getting him to like you. You said he still doesn't remember your name, right? How do you know that he's going to like you, even if his memories do come back?"

" _When_ they come back," Takumi corrects, not even bothering to hide the anger bubbling in his chest. 

Keigo exhales sharply. "Which is going to take..."

"I don't know, it's different for everyone!" Takumi snaps. "There's a timeline but individual people may vary! But why the hell do you care so much? You're — you're barely friends with Ren —"

"I couldn't give a shit about Ren. All I'm thinking about is you. All I _ever_ think about is you."

The rain outside doesn't stop, but it slows down a little, the awkward silence only punctuated by the sound of drops on Keigo's rooftop.

"And I'm just fucking sick," Keigo finishes, "of watching you pine for someone who doesn't even know your name, when I'm right here."

What Keigo means by that sinks in after a moment; Takumi feels his heart drop. "What... do you mean?" he asks, though it's less for an explanation and more for a confirmation. 

"Takumi, I like you so fucking much," Keigo replies, not missing a beat. "Ren isn't even going to remember you for another, what, year? But you're stuck on him. I'm right here and it's like I'm invisible to you." He runs a hand through his hair. "You didn't even like him before he started coughing up flowers for you."

"You don't get to tell me how I felt — or how I _feel_ ," Takumi replies, a surge of anger that's not exactly characteristic for him flowing through him. "Keigo, I — it takes a lot of courage to confess your feelings —"

"And it takes a lot of courage for you to admit what you feel for Ren is just pity," Keigo spits back. "That's all it is. You never gave him the time of day before he got the surgery, and now you're moping around over him like a teenager."

"Keigo —"

"What is it that he has that I don't? We both dance. And I have one thing he doesn't, which is the fact that I _remember you_. Why do you feel like you owe him?" Keigo asks. The matter-of-factness in his voice makes Takumi feel like he's being knocked down. He's so _sure_ that even though Takumi _isn't_ , he can feel himself being swayed. 

But he can't let him — as magnetic as Keigo can be, he can't let himself be swayed. "You don't get to tell me how I feel," he repeats. "About Ren, or you, or anything. Especially when I'm not even sure myself."

"So there's a chance I'm right," Keigo asks, "and you're just not sure?"

Takumi's hands curl into fists; what sucks the most about this is that Keigo could, in theory, be right. But he shakes his head and stands up. "You could be, but I'm... not in the right place to talk about this right now," Takumi replies. "I think I should go."

Keigo's eyes soften. "Takumi — wait, I didn't mean —"

"And it's like I said," Takumi finishes. "It takes a lot of courage to confess your feelings. I'll... give you an answer when I have one."

Takumi doesn't even bother pulling up his hoodie. There's enough rain that the drains can't keep up and the thunder makes him jump every few feet. He doesn't know where he's going... no, he kind of does. His feet take him there before he has a chance to fight them. 

* * *

"The bath's ready, if you want to take one," Ren says, in a way that sounds like _and you really should_. "Probably would be good to get you in dry clothes, too. There's some hanging up."

Takumi nods gratefully. "I'm... sorry for intruding —"

"No, it's okay," Ren insists, shaking his head. "It's pouring out there. You at least should get warm and dry, before you get a cold. Then... I'll order some burgers? From that famires you like?"

There's no point in arguing with Ren when he's in caretaker mode — Takumi knows, remembers from mornings he'd ended up too hungover to stand. (He wonders if Ren does, too.) "S-sounds nice," he says, a shaky, uneasy smile on his face. 

He's walked to Ren's house a million times before — there are so many happy memories he has of the two of them walking home together, talking about nothing and everything all at once — ones that are tinged with melancholy, now. Maybe that familiarity is why he's there now; he's grateful that Ren's roommate, Shosei, is out with his friends for the weekend, but he also wishes he wasn't alone with Ren, all at once. 

There's a large part of him that wants to stay in the bath until the water gets cold, knees drawn to his chest, stewing in the complicated emotions taking up too much space in his throat; he decides against it, though, for Ren's sake. The clothes Ren gives him — a t-shirt that's too big, sweatpants, and a pair of white socks — are warm, and they smell familiar — like... clean laundry. 

_Ren's smell,_ says a part of Takumi's brain that he wishes wouldn't speak. He changes quickly and joins Ren on the couch for some anime as the two of them wait for the food to arrive, before the fact that he registered that as Ren's so completely has time to sink in. 

* * *

Takumi's almost — _almost_ — forgotten the exact reason why he's at Ren's house, when Ren brings it up. His voice is measured as he pauses the movie he's watching — "So... you... weren't just trying to get out of the rain, were you?"

Takumi bites his lip and shakes his head. "I kind of was."

And Ren doesn't press — it isn't like him to — but Takumi finds the words spilling out anyway. "Keigo... confessed... to me."

"Oh." Ren pauses, squeezing the plastic water bottle in his hand. "What did you say?"

"Well, he said more than just... that he... you know," Takumi says. Ren's gaze is heavy; he has to look down at the carpet to keep himself from crying under it. "There was a lot about... just... other stuff." _You._ "I was running away before I knew it."

"...You're going to have to talk to him eventually, but that's... heavy," Ren says. He shifts slightly — Takumi thinks, for a second, that he's going to wrap an arm around Takumi's shoulder, but he moves back just as quickly. "Do... um, sorry, do you..."

"Feel the same way?" Takumi shakes his head. "I don't think so, but... the way he said it... if almost seemed like he was more sure than I was."

Ren nods. "He... can be like that, sometimes."

"Can he ever."

Takumi thinks the topic is dropped after that. The episode ends, and Ren gets up and stretches; he's clearly sleepy, and Takumi himself is more than ready to knock out. "It's up to you, though, you know?"

"Huh?"

"How you feel. Towards Keigo, or towards... whoever it is that you're thinking of. You're the only one who can work that out."

Takumi ducks his head down. "Y-you're right." _That doesn't make anything easier,_ he thinks. 

"Anyway — we should get some rest. Goodnight, Takumi," Ren says. 

"G'night."

Ren shuts off the light, and Takumi soon finds himself soundly asleep on Ren's couch. It's a pleasant, restful, dreamless one, for the first time in a long time. 

It's only after he wakes up — Ren's making strawberry crepes for breakfast, and the smell is heavenly — that Takumi realizes that Ren remembered his name. 

* * *

_How you feel. Towards Keigo, or towards... whoever it is that you're thinking of. You're the only one who can work that out._

The words play themselves on repeat in Takumi's head, even as he walks back to his apartment from Ren's the next day. There's a host of unread messages from Keigo that he can't, can't, _will not_ look at, because he knows they'd just hurt to read. He more or less flops on to his bed when he gets home, closing his eyes — he knows he won't be able to bring himself to go to class, let alone to dance practice later. Not when his heart still feels mixed up like this. 

There's an entire chance that Keigo is right. 

Maybe he doesn't — or didn't — have any romantic feelings for Ren; maybe it's guilt and pity that's swirling in his heart and confusing him. And even though it isn't romantic love he feels towards Keigo, maybe he should go for what makes sense; Ren knows his name now, yes, but Keigo knows _everything._

They're _feelings_ — disgusting romantic ones that mess up friendships in fell swoops — they don't follow logic, but if they did, Takumi's pretty sure who he would choose. 

"So why can't I...?" he murmurs, at the pattern on his ceiling. His heart is telling him something, but he doesn't want to listen. 

So as he falls into an uneasy sleep — emotional exhaustion is one hell of a drug, it seems — Takumi makes the decision to press his feelings down, somewhere that they can't, can't be reached. 

* * *

It takes another week for Takumi to show up at dance practice, but he manages. It's surprisingly easy to get back into the swing of things, though it's a little awkward; he can't bring himself to look Keigo in the eye, and he always _reacts_ more than he likes to when Ren calls his name. (And it is, always, his name — no _Takkun_ that he's so used to, just Takumi. It's impersonal. It should help.

It doesn't.) Things are so, so close to back to normal — even though his guilt about not answering Keigo and about repressing his... _whatever_ towards Ren are eating at Takumi's esophagus — that Takumi can at least pretend things are okay. 

It's one night at the studio when things change. He's an amateur — he's not the only one on the team who has no dance experience — and finds himself staying late more often than not. Ren's there tonight, too. "We can always take a break, y'know," he says, after Takumi's fifth run through the choreography.

Takumi almost shakes his head — almost — but then yawns. "Maybe we could do that," he decides. "Let's go outside? Get some non-studio air?"

"Sounds good," Ren agrees, leading Takumi out of the studio and on to the balcony.

"You're so good naturally that you barely need my help," Ren comments, with a small smile, as he hands Takumi a bottle of water. "You need to have more faith in yourself, Takumi."

There it is again — Takumi's head ducks down. "A-ah, yeah, maybe..."

"You good?"

"Yeah." Takumi swallows. "I just... y'know. I'm really... happy that you remember my name now. And vaguely afraid that it's too soon, but..."

Ren's eyebrows raise. "You're that worried?"

"Of course."

"Well, everyone's recovery process is different," Ren explains. "Memories coming back too fast can have all kinds of medical side effects. And after Mame's party, things just kept... coming back... like that time you were hiding behind me when Keigo made us watch that horror movie, or the first time we went out drinking legally. It was weird that your name was missing, because everything else was flooding back."

"But you talked to your doctor about it, right?" Takumi insists. "They gave you more medication to stop it?"

"I mean, yes. But I... stopped taking the pills," Ren says. His voice is unsteady and quiet; the silence outside the studio is suddenly deafening. "Because I wanted to remember you faster. I know it's stupid —"

"Ren..." Takumi interrupts — he takes a step forward, his heart pounding in his chest. "That's dangerous. You could be hurting yourself. I don't want you to do that just because you..."

"Still feel something for you?" Ren asks. 

"E-even if you do —"

"They couldn't erase that part of me." Ren's voice is quiet, soft, gentle as it's ever been, but determined.

"But I don't want you to get sick again. Not on my account." Takumi's so close to Ren that he could, in theory, cling to the elder's shirt; he balls his hands into fists, like that'll help him resist. 

"Is that the only thing you want?" Ren asks. The note of hope in his voice is unmistakable. 

And even though he's tried all this time to ignore it, to press it down for the sake of Ren's health and his own fear — the thrumming in his chest that starts, fast and steady, whenever he thinks of Ren, even now, _especially_ now, that he's aware of exactly how he feels —Takumi realizes he can't do that anymore. 

It's a hesitant, chaste kiss; Takumi's too scared that he'll taste petals and blood on Ren's tongue to dive in as deeply as he, admittedly, wants to. But there's something unmistakable that rushes through him as he leans upwards and as his lips touch Ren's, as brief as it is — it's warm and light and fuzzy. 

He's sure, now. He's definitely sure. There's one person in his heart — one person he'd grow flowers for — and his name is Kawashiri Ren.

It takes a second for Ren to react — Takumi thinks, for a moment, that he's misread this entire situation, and as he rocks back on his heels, that same old anxiety settles in his chest. The first mora of an apology slips out of his mouth before he can register what Ren does next. 

He cups Takumi's face in one hand and leans down, lips just centimeters away from Takumi's. "I already almost died for the sake of your memory once," he whispers. "If you really feel the way I think you do, then I'm excited to get to live for them this time."

"So you're saying...?" Takumi asks, voice trembling, even though he's trying his best to keep it steady. "You're saying —"

"I still like you," Ren confirms. His eyes are sparkling — he's close to crying, Takumi realizes — as he wraps Takumi up into a tight embrace. Takumi doesn't hesitate for a second before he hugs Ren back. They stay like that — comfortable in each other's arms and in the smell of detergent and the world after rain — for another few minutes, before Takumi pulls away. 

"Can I sleep over?" he asks, voice quiet. "After this?"

Ren nods. "Whenever you want, for as long as you want," he promises. Takumi laughs, and leans upwards once more, to cover Ren in as many kisses as he'll accept. 

* * *

"Thanks for... agreeing to meet me here," Takumi says. It's a nice, sunny day, though it's cool out; Keigo's sitting in a chair at the cafe. "And I'm sorry to keep you waiting, and also that I can't stay for very long." He sits across from Keigo and takes a deep breath.

"No worries," Keigo says, smiling. "I'm just glad you could tear yourself away from your boyfriend for long enough to talk to your poor old best friend again."

Takumi's eyes widen. "Boyf — how did you... we haven't told anyone yet —"

"Because I have eyes," Keigo says, dryly, before coughing into his hand. Takumi's eyes widen, ice cold fear running through his veins.

Keigo shakes his head, noticing Takumi's change in expression and laughing. "I got caught in the rain the other day," he explains. "I think I caught a cold, but it's no big deal."

"...Thank goodness," Takumi murmurs. _I couldn't handle two people almost dying for me. I couldn't do it twice._ "That's, um... kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, actually."

"I figured."

"A-and I know it's... really cowardly of me to not reject you directly —"

"Congratulations."

"...You're not mad?" Takumi asks, softly. 

Keigo laughs. "I mean, it sucks, but I'm not gonna die over it. And anyways, you're my best friend — I want you to be happy." He shifts, once again coughing into his closed fist. "And... confessing like I did was kind of shitty. I'm sorry."

"You didn't really do anything wrong. And.... and you don't have to apologize."

"I don't," Keigo agrees. "But I want to. So accept it, you dork."

Takumi laughs. He feels like a weight has been lifted off of his shoulders, just a little. "Then we're... we're even."

"Or, consider: you're my friend, and there's no _even_ to get. Just support and me telling you I'll kick Ren's ass if he hurts you."

"He won't," Takumi promises. "He's good to me. Really good."

"Then that's that." Keigo smirks. "So is that all, or...?"

"Uh, well, no, actually. I'm... I mean, my birthday is coming up, you know?" Takumi says. "If you want to come by —"

Keigo grins. "No way I'd forget," he replies. "Someone has to aggressively play Taylor Swift at you, right, Mr. 22?" 

Takumi smiles back. "I'm gonna be really happy to see you there." He stands up. "I have to go — Ren is —"

"Waiting, probably. Don't be late," Keigo chastises. "See you in class tomorrow?"

"See you," Takumi says, leaving the cafe with a small wave. He has a person he loves, more than anything else, and a best friend who supports him — he can't think of anything else that he needs. 

* * *

Keigo waits until Takumi leaves to uncurl his fist. 

Light pink petals, tinged with fresh, dark red, flutter to the ground.

"No way I'd forget," he repeats, as gray clouds once again start to cover the sky.

**Author's Note:**

> and rain will make the flowers grow :)
> 
> seriously someone besides me must've done a hanahaki fic with this title before it can't just be me (and said title is from a little fall of rain from les miserables) the lyrics are too good to pass up here. this has been a wip genuinely since i think last year so now that its done that's neat. and biggest thanks to kukki for reading this through for me :)
> 
> if you liked it leave a comment and a kudos and follow me on twitter for more updates: @noir_fics! and i have a kofi now because i'm that broke, under the same username. so that's neat. see you later!


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